the brog™

every once in awhile lalonde will fly one of her private helicopters on the rooftop and start blabbing about some nobel prize shes winning again and dump The Goth One on me.

it aint so fine because there was a reason i was kicked out of psychowhatsit class. that reason is that i went into a blind fury whenever someone said too many words i didnt understand while saying what i was.

 

cept later on…

only if you can manage not to squeeze my soft supple tuckus below it.

Have you ever seen Dave do something uncool unironically?
Anonymous

you mean be dave.

as yall should know by now if you read my autobiography “the life of calvin broadus” dave is the disappointingly mediocre lovechild of my one true baby mama lil cal and i and not at all any satanic technobabble ritual of lalondes. only five years ago it was since our little bundle of who cares was birthed from cals holy womb. i even recall the night of conception. i had just finished lighting a romantically scented funeral pyre of smuppets when 

 

i guess i have some sorta teen girl swag (no creepo).


(( Half-way through this I noticed this was an AU and not vanilla Jade so bronus pic:
)) 

guess what word rhymes with “bro pain.”

its “fuck off rose stop playing with my memories.” 

and that is why im not having any grandbros.